Sunday, March 2, 2014

Downton Abbey: The Dating Game

Jim Lange, host of the 1970's game show, The Dating Game, recently passed away. Enjoy this Downton Abbey tribute!

Announcer: From Hollywood, the dating capital of the world, it’s The Dating Game!  Here’s the star and host of our game, Jim Lange!

Jim Lange: Thank you! Thank you! Oh boy, have we got a show for you today! Time to meet our three eligible bachelors:

Bachelor Number One is a hedge-your-bets sort of fellow, who won't let a little thing like a fiance get in his way of finding true love. Only well-heeled ladies need apply. Give it up for Tony Gillingham!!!!

Bachelor Number Two suffers from Best Friend Syndrome. Women love him, but only because he’s the ultimate BFF.  Seeing him in any other light is impossible. You gotta give him credit, though, he keeps on trying. Let's hear it for Evelyn Napier!!!!

Bachelor number three leads a double life: crusading commoner by day, entitled baron by night. Watch out ladies, this hunk isn’t afraid to get a little dirty. A round of applause for Charles Blake!!!!

Now for our bachelorette: Mary hails from Yorkshire. Her turn-ons include feeling sorry for herself, hating her sister, and belittling Americans. This gorgeous blue blood is a mother, but you’d never know it by the way she acts.  Slim, trim, and primed to catch her next Mr. Right, meet Mary Crawley!!!!!

Mary: This first question is for Bachelor Number One. Tony, your name reminds me of Gillyweed, you knowfrom the Harry Potter books. I keep picturing you with seaweed all over your face. Would you be willing to change your name for me, and if so, what would it be?

Tony: Of course I’ll change my name! Anything for you, Mary! Tell you what! I'll change it to Crawley, so you won’t have to order new stationary!

Mary: Bachelor Number Two, you're setting off my gaydar big time! Don’t you think it’s time to step out of the closet? I mean your name is Evelyn. That should tell you something.

Evelyn: I don’t know what you mean! I’m your best friend! Don’t I tell you when your hair wave just isn’t working? Who’s been talking to you? If it’s Thomas, I swear he was only subbing for my sick valet.

Mary: Bachelor Number Three, I’ve got to be honest. I had zero interest in you 'til I found out you’re richer than Midas. Tell me, how will you spend your fortune on me?

Charles: My darling, I’ll build you the finest pig pens in all of England. Then we can mud wrestle whenever we feel like it!

Jim Lange: Well, Mary it’s time to decide. Will it be Bachelor Number One, Bachelor Number Two, or Bachelor Number Three?

Mary: Hmm. It’s a hard decision. I mean, there’s two sides of me…the good Mary and the bad one. Since Matthew died, I don’t know who I am! Well, that’s not true. It’s more fun being bad Mary. Ok, I choose…..Bachelor Number Four, Michael Gregson!

Jim Lange: But he’s not a contestant.

Mary: I know, but it will piss off Edith, which is way more fun than dating any of these men. That's all. You may go.

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