Mr. Selfridge, Season Two, starts March 30th! It's been a while since we've seen our favorite department store ditty, so here's a little reminder of how Season One ended:
The Mr. Selfridge Oscars
The winner is..... Roger Grove!
“Sorry, Josie, I’m going to marry your employee because she can give me kids. Lord knows I should probably let my defective gene pool die out, but I just can't! Don’t fret, darling, we can still have our Tuesday nights. Won’t that be swell?"
BEST PORTRAYAL OF A DESPERATE WOMAN
The winner is..... Josie Mardle!
“You stole my youth. You used me like a hooker. And now you’re marrying a girl I hired. Sure, Roger, come on over so we can talk.”
WORST DECISION MAKER IN A DRAMATIC SERIES
The winner is..... Harry Selfridge!
“I know how to win my wife back! I’ll visit my ex-lover in her dressing room right before the play starts.”
BEST MOVIN' ON UP MOMENT
The winner is.....George Towler!
“Hey World, look at me! Instead of loading trucks, I get to wear a trench coat inside and push around boxes all day! Wha’choo think of me now, Miss Kitty?”
STRANGEST LINE IN A GUEST APPEARANCE
The winner is.....Sir Ernest Shackleton!
“It’s so cold, it’s hot.” What??????
LAMEST BREAK-UP IN HISTORY
The winner is.....Henri LeClare and Agnes Towler!
Henri: Agnes, I'm breaking up with you, because you have such a horrible name, and I want to be with my REAL girlfriend who dresses like a man in New York.
BEST BACK BONE
The winner is.....Victor Calleono!
BEST PRE-PLANNED DEMISE
The winner is.....Miss Bunting!
“Ok, my situation is clearly not improving, so I’ll throw myself in front of a moving train. But not just any train--the train that’s bringing all the Selfridge employees to work. Brilliant! Also, I’ll leave a note. But not just any note--a nicely worded letter to Mr. Selfridge himself. I’ll tuck it in my purse and leave it next to the tracks where someone will be sure to find it. Can’t carry it with me, because the force of the commuter train smashing into me might damage the paper. I also have to make sure I plan my jump just right so my body lies ON the tracks. I mean, what’s the point of all this if the employees get to work on time? Now, let's get spiffy. Where’s those clothes that belonged to Mr. Grove’s dead wife?”
MOST RIDICULOUS MONARCH MOMENT
The winner is.....Edward VII!
“Gee, this shopping thing is fun! Who taught these dolts to curtsy? Where’s my new BFF, Harry? Why don’t you come down to Sandringham on Saturday? Oh, and make sure to bring your wife to the theater to see Ellen Love’s new play!”
(When Harry said “The King is Coming!” did anyone else think he meant Elvis?)
The winner is.....Harry Selfridge!
“Frank, I have a lot on my mind right now. I can’t think of giving you a job, even though you’re the only reason I have this store. I’m sure you understand. Now be a good chap and don’t seek revenge on me through the theater.”
WORST UNDER-REACTION TO PERSONAL SLANDER
The winner is.....Lady Mae!
“Don’t worry, Mrs. Selfridge, I’ll have this play shut down in a week.” That's it? You'll shut down the play? Excuse my yawn.
BEST CURTSY BY A MALE
And don't forget, Call The Midwife starts March 31st!